Contrarian

 I don’t like to do what I don’t like to do.  My final answer is the last word on the subject.  I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: “It.”  See what I did there with your own two eyes?

Tomorrow’s another day, but so is today, not to mention yesterday.  Too late!  Meanwhile, everything that happens happens, while nothing that doesn’t does.

I’m far too young to be this old even though I’m not a day older than my age.  When I’m dead I will have died, although as long as I’m living, I haven’t yet passed away.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step so why does it take three times going back into the house to get another thing I forgot?

If a tree falls in the forest and it doesn’t make a sound, it’s obviously because everyone had their earbuds in listening to podcasts.

Speaking of podcasts, please don’t; I’d rather be subjected to a narrative account of your dreams.

Setting the bar low is a good way of setting a low bar.  Exceeding expectations is a sure strategy for the unexpected.  And if you make an exception for everyone, then it isn’t an exception, get it?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, which makes yesterday the last day of rest, as well.  

In the back of my mind, I think I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy, although what’s top of mind right now is beneath comprehension.

No one says what’s left unspoken, but everyone uses their mouth to speak their mind, making each point in a round-about way.

Circular reasoning makes me dizzy, so I beg the question in a question-begging way.

You can’t tell me what I refuse to hear, nor will I ever see what’s unobserved.

I didn’t start this just to finish, it but now that I’m at the end, it’s over.