Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Blue

You might think there’s not much at stake umpiring recreational league softball games; it’s all in good fun; nobody wants to get hurt; and people have lives outside the diamond so they’re not going to get too worked up about what happens on the field.

But if so, you’d be wrong.

As it turns out, there’s plenty on the line: players get so into it that a single questionable call is enough to incite cursing, dirt-kicking, and the throwing of bats by people who work in cubicles.

Consequently, you do your best to not screw up and hope that those bang-bang plays at first base don’t happen in the later innings with the score tied.

One good thing is that, in virtue of having read the official rules of the game, you’re likely to know a little bit more about what’s permitted and what isn’t; still, that won’t stop a 77 year-old man in the Senior League game from getting in your face and complaining that he shouldn’t be called out because he swung at an illegal pitch, hit it, and was thrown out at first when he stopped running.

Here’s the kind of thing that happens after the game: a player comes up to you and says, “Let me say this as politely as possible: that call at first was the worst call I ever saw,” and then proceeds to hang out in the stands second-guessing every judgment you make in the following contest.

Or, the captain of a team on which you called an infield fly theatrically asks your name so he can supposedly report you to the Umpire in Chief because he’s displeased with your assessment of whether the ball could have been caught with ordinary effort.

But still you keep showing up and taking your place behind the plate because it remains perennially intriguing and usually delightful and how else will you have the opportunity to see a 94 year-old man throw pitches?

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