My new shopping app—iConsume—makes Amazon’s software obsolete. Whereas the tech-giant’s algorithms can make recommendations for consumers based on choices they’ve made previously, my program identifies what you want before you even know you want it.
Moreover, it then buys the item for you, uses it, and eventually throws it in the trash after it breaks, two days after the warranty runs out.
In short, iConsume takes all the work out of being a consumer; it does the consuming for you, enabling you to make you vital contributions to the global economy without having to lift a finger—essentially turning “single-click” shopping becomes “no click” at all.
Think about it: everything we buy has a life cycle. You begin by coveting it; then, depending on your penchant for procrastination, you eventually purchase it; there’s a honeymoon period (after a bit of buyer’s remorse); soon enough, though, you’re no longer in love; and then, finally, it stops working (literally or figuratively), and out it goes in the garbage. Each transition point in this process represents mental or physical energy that needs to be expended; iConsume takes care of all this for you; and with automatic payments, as well!
Remember when you bought the food processor and did all that online comparison-shopping before making your decision? And then, after your purchase arrived, didn’t you use it two or three times the first few days you had it, only to move it to the back of the closet where it now languishes, unused except for the occasional once-in-awhile pesto or hummus?
With iConsume, that whole process is entirely automated. Since it’s inevitably what happens, why not?
IConsume will particularly appeal to young professionals working for companies like Amazon; with iConsume, they can work harder while consuming more efficiently.
But best of all will be for the staff at iConsume; iConsume will do the shopping that makes their shopping possible; thus, at last, achieving the goal of rendering humans superfluous.
Moreover, it then buys the item for you, uses it, and eventually throws it in the trash after it breaks, two days after the warranty runs out.
In short, iConsume takes all the work out of being a consumer; it does the consuming for you, enabling you to make you vital contributions to the global economy without having to lift a finger—essentially turning “single-click” shopping becomes “no click” at all.
Think about it: everything we buy has a life cycle. You begin by coveting it; then, depending on your penchant for procrastination, you eventually purchase it; there’s a honeymoon period (after a bit of buyer’s remorse); soon enough, though, you’re no longer in love; and then, finally, it stops working (literally or figuratively), and out it goes in the garbage. Each transition point in this process represents mental or physical energy that needs to be expended; iConsume takes care of all this for you; and with automatic payments, as well!
Remember when you bought the food processor and did all that online comparison-shopping before making your decision? And then, after your purchase arrived, didn’t you use it two or three times the first few days you had it, only to move it to the back of the closet where it now languishes, unused except for the occasional once-in-awhile pesto or hummus?
With iConsume, that whole process is entirely automated. Since it’s inevitably what happens, why not?
IConsume will particularly appeal to young professionals working for companies like Amazon; with iConsume, they can work harder while consuming more efficiently.
But best of all will be for the staff at iConsume; iConsume will do the shopping that makes their shopping possible; thus, at last, achieving the goal of rendering humans superfluous.
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