Aphorisms

• If you can’t say something nice, then it’s time to see a speech therapist.
• Give them an inch and they’ll convert it to 2.5 centimeters.
• Imitation is the sincerest form of copying.
• A penny saved isn’t even worth a penny anymore.
• Measure twice; still screw up the cutting.
• All things come to those have someone to bring it to them.
• An ounce of prevention is worth 28 grams of prevention.
• Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and he’ll say, “Is that all there is to it?”
• No sense in crying over spilt tears.
• You can lead a horse to water, but why?
• The road to hell is paved with chipseal.
• Honesty is the best policy, but lying works better in practice.
• Better safe than “sorry about that; oops.”
• The grass is always greener when you’re wearing sunglasses.
• Don’t count your chickens before they cross the road.
• If it ain’t broke, it will be next time you use it.
• Hindsight is 20/20, but it still needs readers.
• Actions speak louder than a librarian.
• Don’t judge a book by its brown paper bag dust cover.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single search on Google maps.
• Necessity is the mother of Necessity, Junior.
• When in Rome, eat some pizza.
• Power corrupts, absolute power is really fun.
• If you lie down with dogs, you wake up when they pass gas.
• Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and the world laughs at you.
• The more things change, the more you get charged a change fee.
• Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent acquiring venture capital.
• You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t fool all the people all of the time unless you’re fooling yourself.
• You’ll always regret what you didn’t do more than what you did do, except for this.