Vacation

With summer about to come to its melancholic conclusion, you may be wondering whether there’s still time to get in one last bit of vacation before the whole thing comes crashing down.

Good news!  It is still possible to have a little bit of fun and recreation prior to the traditional Labor Day barbecue marking the end of the season.  Here’s what you need to do:

Take out those old Bermuda shorts, the plaid ones you save for special occasions like weddings, baby showers, and the traditional bris ceremony.  Put them on over your swimsuit and complete the ensemble with a seersucker coat, no shirt.

Strap on your hurache sandals and accessorize with a pina colada and a porkpie hat.

Drink the pina colada and refill.

Stroll around your living room while finishing the second drink.  Put on some music, preferably something with a Latin beat, but you do you.

After 15 minutes, have another pina colada.  Accessorize with your favorite cannabis product.

Trading your porkpie hat for a bicycle helmet, head outside and take a bike ride.  If that isn’t nice, what is?  Assuming the lake is still warm enough and not all goose-poopy, a quick dip will surely add to the festive spirit.

At some point, you may want to take a nap.  This is highly recommended, but be sure to get off your bike and lie down first.

At some other point, another pina colada may be in order.  Again, it’s up to you, but be careful about overconsumption.  The human body can process only so much coconut cream.

Now, some may argue that this isn’t really a vacation; it’s just what we would call “Friday afternoon.”  Let the haters hate; that’s what vacationing is all about!

Others may contend that in order for something to be a vacation, there must be something someone is vacationing from.  Good point.  Point out to them that you are hereby vacationing from listening to their unsolicited opinions.